I’m having a pretty harsh morning. My alarm didn’t go off, so I had to rush before class. I was a bit hasty in making my coffee, so now I have to deal with grinds in my mug. I have emails that need to be answered, and a research paper that needs to be written. Guh.
I’m late to class and I’m getting dirty looks. All of these minor tragedies are making me want to scream. I open my notebook to vent, and of course it falls to the floor. I pick it up, and I find this note from my friend Kelly. It was in the middle of the book, in a random spot with a hundred blank pages on either side. It read “Outlook is KEY”. This note must have been written a few weeks back. I have no idea her motivation in writing it, nor when she expected me to find this nugget of inspiration. For the last few weeks, I have observed many things that have lead me to believe that the entire universe is connected. This is just another in a series of small revelations. The person who wrote said note once told me, “There is no such thing as random”. I’m starting to believe that. Imagine everything that had to take place in order for me to see this note at the time I that I did.
This happened last week. I would not be the person I am at this moment if things happened any other way. I would have walked away from the spot in which I was sitting at a later time. I would not have gotten to my next class a few minutes early, as I did. In those few minutes I had a conversation with a friend, and we made plans to get together during the weekend. I wouldn’t have had the time to speak to her had I not walked in when I did. While we hung out, we watched a movie I had never heard of before. I really enjoyed the movie, and it made an impression on me. It was definitely something that I will consider as an influence from this point on. Maybe these are minor things. Maybe my life would be exactly the same if I never saw Kelly’s note. Maybe I would have seen the note at another time when I would need it even more. Maybe I would have gotten hit by a car If I walked away any later. What if I’ll get hit by a car tomorrow because of the path I have taken?
Now ask yourself, now that you have read this, what will be different for you? Maybe you won’t get hit by a car, maybe you will. Maybe you will ask me what movie it was, watch it, and be equally as influenced by it. Maybe it would offend you, or introduce you to an actor you were previously unaware of. Maybe you will be on a game show one day, and the million dollar question will be about that actor. Either way, you will have my friend Kelly to thank….
I’m in my convertible, and I’m driving towards the coast. The wind is in my hair and I can feel the setting sun still warm on my back. Something beautiful and perfect is seeping from each of the speakers. Perhaps Miles Davis. The woman in the seat next to me is smoking her cigarette slowly, deliberately. She is waving her hand along with the music, and making rings of her smoke. The rings swirl and float upwards, before being sucked up and pulled out of the car by the wind. Her light hair is pulled into a hasty pony tail. She fits this scene to a tee.
I have no business where we are heading. No pressing matter or concrete plans. I’m not running from anything, or anyone. This is a pure being kind of thing. I’m going to wait until the beach is empty. I’m going to walk down towards the water, to the spot where it just starts to cover over my feet. I’m going to let it wash over me, over and over again. I’m going to let the sand bury my feet, let the earth pull me in towards it’s warm center. I’m going to forget about everything I know. I will close my eyes and stop thinking about my car, my family, work, everything and everyone. I am pure vibrating energy. I am infinite. I love myself and everything that exists. I am at the core of the earth now. I can feel the collective force of every thought that has ever been thought. I can see everything that eyes have seen. I have become the core of the earth now. I am absolute pure fucking being. I am listening to Miles Davis seeping from each of the speakers. She is next to me smoking her cigarette slowly. Her hair is in a hastily thrown together ponytail. I am in my convertible, and I’m driving towards the coast.
The weekend is imminent people…..
I don’t have much to say at the moment. Maybe you will learn something by reading this essay by John-paul Sartre. It was written in 1947 and it’s worth the three minutes. Maybe if you have a little more time, you could even head on over to Project Gutenberg and read this novella by Ayn Rand. Its called ‘Anthem’. Even though she is wrong, it is very good. If you haven’t heard of it,or her, you should probably kill yourself.
That’s all folks.
Ciao for now.
The other evening, I happened upon the latest episode of NBC’s “Deal or no Deal” game show. One of the contestants was the sweetest, most vibrant women I had ever seen. She was just so nice. The kind of person you would want winning on one of these shows. She deserved it. She was middle aged, grandmotherly even. She moved and shook with all the excitemnt of an agitated terrier. For those who don’t know, the game is pretty simple. You start with a sum of money, something around $2 million as I recall. You pick from a series of numbered cases, each containing a dollar amount. That is the amount you lose. So this woman had with her a coffee can full of family photos. Each photo had a number on the back of it. This was to be her winning strategy.
As the game progressed, she won a bit, and she lost a bit. Nothing seemed to phase her. She knew that God was watching out for her. “This is my baby niece” she said as she called out for case number five. Ten thousand. Ouch. This is it. Down to the wire. This is the moment of truth. She reaches into the can. “This is my nephew, Daniel. He is serving our country over in Iraq.”. America’s collective hearts all get a bit warmer. At this moment, at least to her, there was a merciful and caring God up in the sky. To her, sinners still went to hell and bad guys get what they deserved. She called out number 7. Drumroll please. Oh my Lord, this is it. Rags to riches. Howie’s eyes, in what seemed to be an eternity, moved to embrace hers. “I’m sorry. So close, but not close enough”. I watched her faith run dry. I watched her soul become a heavy burden. To her, at this moment, there is no caring, loving God watching over our perfect little souls. I watched a soul become lost. No deal.
There is no such thing as Santa Claus. Don’t ask any questions. Just accept this as fact and move on. Why do we feel so compelled to lie to our children? We make the world such a safe and sterile place full of happy times, birthdays, and smiles. We shield their young, little, fresh, new eyes from anything we deem as “too harsh”, or inappropriate. While there is nothing inherently wrong with this practice, the truth is that the world is not a safe place. Not in the least. It’s not a place full of birthday clowns and friendly smiles. Nobody loves you. Nobody is selfless. Nobody cares. Once mommy and daddy aren’t around to coddle you, what is going to happen? You are going to burn out and cave in. Thats what happens. The universe is cold , cruel, and uncaring. Don’t ask any questions. Accept this as fact and move on. As humans, we have shown ourselves to be aggressive, unpredictable, and savage animals. We are the most destructive force on this planet. It’s trying to shake us off, like ticks. We lie to each other, we do things to hurt and maim. We bake big plump fluffy pies and get real fat like and we negate the use of commas. We are so good at lying to ourselves. We watch each other on TV and shed tears for how glorious and warm we are.Sally Ggodamned Struthers. Bono. What a nice boy. Don’t ask any questions. Accept this as fact and move on.