This is how Howie Mandel killed god

Howie Mandel is satan. The other evening, I happened upon the latest episode of NBC’s “Deal or no Deal” game show. One of the contestants was the sweetest, most vibrant women I had ever seen. She was just so nice. The kind of person you would want winning on one of these shows. She deserved it. She was middle aged, grandmotherly even. She moved and shook with all the excitemnt of an agitated terrier. For those who don’t know, the game is pretty simple. You start with a sum of money, something around $2 million as I recall. You pick from a series of numbered cases, each containing a dollar amount. That is the amount you lose. So this woman had with her a coffee can full of family photos. Each photo had a number on the back of it. This was to be her winning strategy.

As the game progressed, she won a bit, and she lost a bit. Nothing seemed to phase her. She knew that God was watching out for her. “This is my baby niece” she said as she called out for case number five. Ten thousand. Ouch. This is it. Down to the wire. This is the moment of truth. She reaches into the can. “This is my nephew, Daniel. He is serving our country over in Iraq.”. America’s collective hearts all get a bit warmer. At this moment, at least to her, there was a merciful and caring God up in the sky. To her, sinners still went to hell and bad guys get what they deserved. She called out number 7. Drumroll please. Oh my Lord, this is it. Rags to riches. Howie’s eyes, in what seemed to be an eternity, moved to embrace hers. “I’m sorry. So close, but not close enough”. I watched her faith run dry. I watched her soul become a heavy burden. To her, at this moment, there is no caring, loving God watching over our perfect little souls. I watched a soul become lost. No deal.


10 responses to “This is how Howie Mandel killed god

  1. Very well spoken…Bold and suspenseful. It’s amazing how naive some people are when they come into these game shows. It’s like Vegas…it’s best if people just win every once in awhile, but if won too often, that would take the excitement and suspense out of the game, and the money out of the bank. Thanx for spending time at my blog btw…it’s nice to have you over.

  2. Everytime I walk into a casino, I am 100% im going to win. Everytime I walk out I’m 100% sure I’m never going back. Both of these assumptions end up being false.

  3. Incredible. That’s all I have to say.

    Thanks for the comment and addition to your blogroll, I appreciate both very much.

    Take care, and I’ll be reading.


  4. If you go looking for God in the wrong places, you probably won’t find him.

  5. It isn’t an either/or, by the way. It could be both. Or something else. It’s all up to you and how you want to perceive or not, in some sense.

  6. She shoulda been nakkid

  7. it woulda been so fookin hot!

    Nakkid grannybitches

  8. Man fuck Del…. Oh yeah pergi bobo gih

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